[ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. welcome. that's a great new york city crowd right there. thank you for coming out tonight. [ cheers and applause ] here's what people are talking about, everyone. "sports illustrated" swimsuit model kate upton just announced that she recently became single. [ scattered cheers ] so to all those guys out there who have been waiting for a chance with kate upton, you still don't have a chance with kate upton. [ light laughter ] some more entertainment news. in his new memoir, 80-year-old music mogul, clive davis reveals that he's bisexual. [ light cheers ] or as he put it, "hey, sometimes you gotta listen to both sides of the record, you know?" [ laughter ]

yeah. 80-year-old clive davis revealed that he is bisexual. which is smart because if you're still trying to have sex when you're 80, you should really take whatever you can get. i mean, really. [ laughter ] i understand. go for it. [ applause ] check this out. in a new interview, bill gates said that he is not satisfied with the level of innovation at microsoft. he would've said more, but he had to hang up the phone so his assistant could use the internet. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ imitates dial up sounds ] >> steve: you've got mail. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this is interesting. today north korea announced that its tourism has steadily increased over the last ten years. [ light laughter ] you can tell they are trying to boost tourism with their new slogan, "north korea, you'll never want to leave because we won't let you." [ laughter ] i want to be friends with north korea, man. those guys are crazy, man. yeah, i know. some more business news.

"readers digest" has filed for bankruptcy just one week after the pope resigned. man, my grandmother hasn't been this depressed since michael buble got married. [ laughter ] yeah, she's really bummed out. i read that lawmakers in montana are considering a bill that would make it legal for people to take road kill home and use it as food. [ light laughter ] when montana residents heard that they were like, "wait, that was illegal?" [ laughter ] i don't know what to do. this is scary. a new report shows that chinese hackers could one day take out america's power supply. or as that's also known, pulling a beyonce. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ that's all the "single lady" i do. that's all i do. and finally, a bar in washington, d.c. is selling a new cocktail for $1,500, it comes with a diamond.

the bar says it's the perfect way to tell her, "you're my favorite hooker." we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, that is the one! [ cheers and applause ] that is the only, method man sitting in with the roots tonight! [ cheers and applause ] he's the greatest. method and the wu-tang clan are back together for a summer tour that will include a performance at the bonnaroo festival in tennessee in june. [ cheers and applause ]

thank you for coming back. we love having you here. >> thanks for having me. thank you, brother. >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight. he's one of my favorite comedians out there. david spade is here! [ cheers and applause ] love david spade. >> steve: hilarious. >> jimmy: one of my favorites. she is a new, brand new cast member on "saturday night live," and everybody is talking about her. cecily strong is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh! a delight. a delight. >> jimmy: good. and we have music from atlas genius tonight. it's gonna be good! [ cheers and applause ] fun times, yo. hey guys, it's time to take a look at these stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, we will be taking a look at the "pros and cons" of going on a carnival cruise. [ laughter ] they are a popular choice for

vacation. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: but as you can see, recently things can go wrong. so let's take a look at the "pros and cons" of going on a carnival cruise. here we go. pro, it's a great way to get away from it all. con, like plumbing, food, basic human hygiene, stuff like that. [ light laughter ] >> steve: vacation. >> jimmy: pro, carnival used to be the number one cruise line in the world. con, now it's mostly number two. [ laughter ] i get it. i get it. >> steve: i get it. i got it, yeah. i'm way ahead of you. >> jimmy: oh, get ready. there's a bunch more. >> steve: what? really? [ light laughter ] i'm shocked. >> jimmy: pro, with so many activities and amenities, you'll never want to leave. con, which is good because you can't. [ laughter ] >> steve: like camping on the ocean. >> jimmy: pro, your cruise ship has a state of the art 700-seat movie theater. con, it's playing "titanic" 3-d. [ laughter ] you can't do that. >> steve: no. don't want to do that. >> jimmy: shouldn't have that option. pro, checking out menu to see

what you'll eat first if there's a buffet. con, checking out passengers to see who you'll eat first when the ship runs out of food. [ light laughter ] pro, meeting new friends on day one. con, hating them by day three. "hey! morning, neighbor. how was your sleep?" [ light laughter ] pro, many cruise ships have a movie theater, a salon, shops and chain restaurants. con, it's basically a mall that can be attacked by pirates. [ light laughter ] pro, playing shuffleboard on the poop deck. here we go. con, playing shovel poop on the main deck. that doesn't make sense. that's not a game you play. >> steve: that's not a game a human would play. >> jimmy: no, we don't play that. >> steve: you know, what? i guess when in rome. >> jimmy: when in rome. finally, pro, going to the front of the boat and screaming "i'm the king of the world." con, watching a seagull fly by and squawk, "haven't seen anyone do that before." there you go, that's the "pros

and cons." we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ lobsterfest is the king of all promotions. there's nothing like our grilled lobster and lobster tacos. the bar harbor bake is really worth trying. [ male announcer ] get more during red lobster's lobsterfest. with the year's largest selection of mouth-watering lobster entrees. like our delicious lobster lover's dream, featuring two kinds of succulent lobster tails. or our savory, new grilled maine lobster and lobster tacos. it's back, but not for long. [ woman ] our guests go crazy for lobsterfest. my favorite entree is the lobster lover's dream. what's yours? come celebrate lobsterfest and sea food differently.

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everything he does, tacks right off. and of course he dines upon the liquid gold of velveeta shells and cheese. end of story. liquid gold. eat like that guy you know. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much for watching our show. i appreciate it. hey, guys, just the other day i

was surfing the worldwide webster, and i came across one of those websites where you can type in a sentence and it will play back in a weird robot voice. have you guys seen these things? here, let me show you what i'm talking about here. like, i'll just type in. "hi. my name is jimmy." press enter. [ robotic voice ] >> hi, my name is jimmy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: pretty fun. it entertains me. right there. that's -- you can type absolutely anything in here. like steve higgins is our announcer. i'll just type in, "steve higgins." press enter. [ robotic voice ] >> stev heijens. >> jimmy: whatever -- [ laughter ] it's not perfect. but the interesting thing it's isn't just a random robot voice, it's the voice of an actual guy and he's been doing this for years. his name is walter kump. we've had him on the show before. he's always a lot of fun so we thought we'd have him back. you guys ready to meet him? [ cheers and applause ] please welcome walter kump, everyone. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: hey, walter, how are you? >> i am good. thank you for asking. >> jimmy: i've got to say. you -- got the sunglasses there. looking pretty stylish. >> oh, you must be talking about these sun shlasses. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you mean sunglasses. >> you say potato. i say potato. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, anyway, you look like a movie star in those things. i think you look good. >> it is funny you say that, jimmy, because i was just in hollywood. >> jimmy: wait, really? [ laughter ] hollywood, california? >> no. hollywood, iowa. yes, hollywood, california. come on, jimmy. >> jimmy: hey, i'm just making

sure. speaking of hollywood, the oscars are this weekend. are you excited? >> oh, yes, jimmy. i love the oz-cars. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: walter, did you see any of the nominated movies? >> yes. i saw r-joe. lincolon. dejanjo un-channed and life of pee. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they were all great. did you see -- did you happen to see "beast of the southern wild?" >> is that the movie with the little girl named -- [ robot voice gibberish ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yes. [ laughter ] >> no. but i did see "less miserables." >> jimmy: you're not saying it right. it's "les miserables." >> oh, let me try again. [ with french accent ] "les miserables." >> jimmy: perfect actually.

>> thank you. >> jimmy: now, i didn't ask you this before, but what were you doing in hollywood? >> i was acting in my very first ak-sheon movie. >> jimmy: wow, congrats walter. i knew you were doing some acting but i didn't know you were in an action movie. incredible. >> oh yes, thank you, jimmy. i'm just trying to be like my favorite ak-sheon movie star. sealvester stay-lone. >> jimmy: i love sylvester stallone. i always loved "cliffhanger." that was a good one. do you have any favorite sylvester stallone movies? >> i love the row-key movies. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: the row-key movies? >> yeah. row-key, row-key i, row-key ii, row-key iii, row-key iv but row-key v was just okay. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] you mean the "rocky" movies. they are classics. well, i can't wait to see your movie when it comes out. >> i actually brought a clip of the ak-sheon movie. the good guy is played me and the bad guy played by kyle mac-lac-lan, but i'm a little nervous.

do you think the audience would like to see it? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: do you guys want to see a clip of walter's action movie? [ cheers and applause ] this is exciting. all right. >> okay, okay, okay. roll, it dave. >> help! walter, help! >> do not worry, baby. i am here to save you. [ cheers ] >> you got the money? >> you mean the $2,000,000,000? >> yes. >> no. >> no money, no girl. >> wait, wait, wait. hold on. let me think now. wait, wait. just give me a second to let me think. let me think. >> what do you got to think about, hmm? you think you can take all of us?

hmm? >> i don't just think i can. i can ka-no it. ♪ now, that is what i call bottle service. >> jimmy: whoa! [ cheers and applause ] that was incredible! walter. way to go. >> thank you, jimmy. i even did my own stoonts. >> jimmy: you did your own stoonts? wow. who knows? maybe you'll take home an oscar next year. >> yeah, right, jimmy, you are so funny. ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. >> jimmy: you're the best. ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for walter kump right there. stick around. we will be right back with david spade. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a hilarious comedian and actor who stars in the cbs hit show "rules, rules -- rules -- [ light laughter ] it's actually called "rule of engagement" which airs mondays at 8:30 p.m. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome david spade! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: hey. that's what i'm talking about. >> you almost nailed that. >> jimmy: i almost nailed it. i'll get it next time. sorry. i'll do it next time. >> next show. nest show. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. hey, good to see you, buddy. thank you for coming back to the show. i appreciate it. >> i'm in my perfect summery outfit when i forget it's winter. >> jimmy: yeah, you are. but it's nice. cassy v-neck. >> yeah, plashmir, it's from costco. [ laughter ] not bad. >> jimmy: i didn't know they sold that there. were you in new york for valentine's day? >> i was -- no. it was right before, and, you know that valentine's day is a bit tricky, as you know, when you -- when you're not married or anything solid. it's always like an awkward holiday. it's just designed to make people feel crummy. >> jimmy: it is a weird holiday. [ talking over each other ] i think all around people don't like it. >> right, because then they're like, i don't care. and then of course, you have to still get them something. it's just a weird thing, an i've dated in the past, and some sketchy girls. you might as well know now, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not you. not you.

>> yeah, and i remember one time i got those candy hearts. but instead of like love me it says pay rent. [ laughter ] i'm like, no. that's sweet. and, one says "be my co-sign" >> jimmy: yeah. [ talking over each other ] >> you can get that on your own. >> jimmy: specialized hearts made up. >> the stamping machine. >> jimmy: you went for it. >> i do think that sometimes girls -- you got to watch out for this. i heard a girl, a nice friend of mine say, "and my boyfriend, it's just so tough on valentine's day, they are working him all day so we have to go out the night before." >> i go, "he's married." it's a tough one to tell girls, but you're not working that hard on valentine's day. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he can't go to dinner. he can't see me for breakfast. don't be the 13th girl or the 15th. >> jimmy: february -- >> you got to be the 14th, yeah, yeah, yeah. if he's busy every 14th we've got some troubles. >> jimmy: he's married, yeah. absolutely, yeah. >> something happened. >> jimmy: that's good advice. i follow you on twitter. >> oh, that's nice. >> jimmy: i'm a big fan of

yours. [ light laughter ] >> sort of a disappointment, but thank you. >> jimmy: no -- you have plenty of stories on there. >> sometimes. >> jimmy: funny pictures you put up there. >> well, i ran into a bit of a snafu because i take these twit pics. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't have to do that when you say twit picks. >> hey. but it's cool. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you say twit pics. >> i'm not old. i'm in my mid-30s. it's on twitter. it's really the underlyi theme. but one time, one of my jokes, because i get them out of everyday life. like no one else does. i -- i'm walking by this victoria's secret sign. it's a huge picture of this blonde girl candace. she's one of like their gorgeous girls, so i -- i take a picture of penny like this and i go, geez. then i go, look at this sexy hot penny, right. and it's this big and this is the whole picture. this is the one, right. >> jimmy: so down here's you holding -- and your tweet was -- >> right, there's my little

penny and i got there's a hot penny. clearly it's her -- you know, it's not a home run joke. that's fine. i'm just doing filler. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you're getting your money's worth. >> it's a broken bat single. >> jimmy: it's free, yeah. a broken bat single. it's good though. it's good. >> it's fine. they're not all gems. >> jimmy: i like it. >> so i think it's a bit of a shoulder shrugger, but it's kind of funny. so you it gets re-tweets, and then you get these twitter rats that like rat you out to other people when you do jokes. like, they go, hey, @kimkardashian, did you hear what @davidspade said about you? you know, because i never put the @ because i want to get a burn in and not say anything. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't want everybody finding out. >> no, i don't want them to know and then someone makes sure they do and delivers it. so this girl, someone sends it to her and then she writes me directly and says, "hey, i follow you. that's a really funny joke. that's nice." this girl, and i'm like oh, boing-oing-oing, you know. [ laughter ] because like calmly in my pants i'm like boing-oing-oing. >> jimmy: oh yeah, yeah. >> so i go, "oh," and i'm all nice. "oh, that's great." and then she sends a direct

message of, like, "hey, are you going to ever go to the victoria's secret party in l.a. in a couple weeks? i'm a big fan. and i want to meet you." and i go, "oh, i might swing by." boing-oing-oing-oing. [ laughter ] so i go, great. and i tell my friends, i go, this is so weird. and i was going because my friend works for them. i go, "yeah i'll be there." and then you see pictures of her at the airport and stuff and the day before she goes, "so you are, for sure coming tonight?" and i'm like, "relax." >> jimmy: yeah, i'm going to be there. >> don't be so thirsty. [ in tune of hail to the chief ] ♪ boy-oing-oing-oing oing-oing-oing-oing oing-oing ♪ >> yeah, exactly. [ bleep ] needy gonzalez. take it easy. [ laughter ] i might pop in. meanwhile, this girl -- >> jimmy: needy gonzalez. >> so i come to this thing with my buddies, and they are like, "there she is. are you going to talk to her? are you going to talk about twitter?" and i go, "no, that's stupid dude. we talk about other stuff." so i go, "i'm going to give her a real treat. i'm going to go over." so i go over and the guy goes, this is candace -- something. she's got a technical last name. so i go, "hey, how are you

doing?" i'm like all cool, and she goes "hi." and i go, "hey." silence. she goes, "having fun at the party?" and i go, "yeah. hey, on twitter -- like, i go right to it. i go -- >> jimmy: you get right into twitter. you have nothing. >> "hey, thanks for liking that joke, about you. i mean, it's stupid, but you're a good sport." and she goes -- it was like slow motion, "oh, i'm not on twitter." i go -- it was -- ♪ hello darkness my old friend ♪ [ laughter ] >> i couldn't hear anything. i was like, going, what? and she goes, "oh is there like some fake account?" and i go, "no, no, no." and she goes, "oh, no, what was the joke? i'm sure it's funny." i go, "no, no, no." i freaked out. i didn't see that coming at all, and it was like a bomb went off. and was like -- [ high pitch tone ] >> jimmy: you got -- >> i can't hear anybody. i've got to go. i walked back. my friend is like, "what happened?" i'm like, "i can't. i can't. guys, everything went sideways

on me. it's worse than i thought." and then miranda kerr, this other lovely nice one comes over and she goes, "hey, how are you doing?" and i go -- and she goes, "is everything okay?" and i go, "yeah." and she's like, "why are you crying?" [ laughter ] i'm like, "no, i'm not crying about this. i'm crying about something else that happened." and i couldn't believe it, and i was trying to explain to her that she thought i was a contest winner. it was so gross. she doesn't know me, and i was like all cocky. >> jimmy: she thought you were a contest winner. oh my gosh. >> and then i got catfished and i was like the notre dame guy. it was all bad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: stop. more with david spade when we get back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're hanging out with the one, the only david spade, right here. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we love having you back in this building even because were around this building for a long time on "saturday night live." >> oh, that's right. >> jimmy: that's right, yeah.

>> i don't like to talk about it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: do you still run -- do you ever run into lorne? do you hang out with lorne? >> lorne michaels -- [ laughter ] my boss, buddy. you know, i see him sometimes -- >> jimmy: is it that how you do an impression of lorne? >> i don't know. yeah, you guys all do him. i just copy everyone else's. >> jimmy: i don't really do him. >> i don't think we're allowed to. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] he bleeps it out. you're allowed to curse but you can't do an impression of lorne, yeah. i don't really have one. i just have a -- but, like, dana carvey does it -- >> yeah, everyone does it great, and i just copy that. >> jimmy: that's a good one. >> yeah. >> i went to a party for him in california. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> tinsel town and -- it was -- this guy, brad grey, who was the head of paramount, so he was an old manager of mine. so, he goes, "come by." and i don't see these guys. he goes, "this is a dinner for lorne." it's always like weird 'cause it's like a big house and everyone is important and it's dead quiet and i'm sort of, like, nervous, talk too much. >> jimmy: are you the entertainment? >> i guess. i'm sort of ever like a jester. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i come over and there's jack nicholson, these's vidal sassoon who has passed away since. but got to meet him.

he was a legend. and then, like some big directors and lorne and brad are -- make me nervous enough. and so i go in. i'm like -- [ groans ] like, right away, like, it's dead silence. i'm like, "blah, blah, blah," from whatever stupid bar i was at and then -- [ light laughter ] just, like, getting a little loudmouth soup in me and then, it's real quiet and vidal sassoon starts telling stories. i go, "how did you get started with this?" and he's like, "when i was one --" i mean, he went way back. [ laughter ] and i was like this -- and i'm like, fast forward to the -- when you came up with wash, rinse, repeat. let's skip to that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> and he's like so, like, all nice and frail and everyone -- he's got like an ascot. everyone's on his every word. and then he spills his wine. he's so elegant and he feels so horrible. he's like, "i'm so sorry, bradley." "oh, it's fine, it's fine." and i go, "i told you not to invite him!" [ laughter ] right? crickets. >> jimmy: no laughs? >> no one, nothing. everyone was like -- and i go, "no, i mean, like, we should invite him.

it's funny 'cause he's old and --" oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] and somehow i did not get invited back, and he did again, so i guess i was the outcast on that one. >> jimmy: you were the outcast there. did lorne help you out at all? >> no. >> jimmy: no. of course not. >> let me die on the vine. >> jimmy: i saw that you just joined instagram. >> yeah, i'm the -- literally, the last guy. >> jimmy: you are not the last guy. >> well, it's like a week ago. >> jimmy: what took you so long? why didn't you want to do it? >> i wasn't sold on it. [ laughter ] i go -- on twitter, i'm like, "hey, people on twitter, if you want to see an exact carbon copy of what i do on here, go on instagram." [ laughter ] pictures --it's like the same thing. >> jimmy: no, but i like seeing your pictures. here's you and sand man. >> that's throwback thursday. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and the great brooks arthur. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, you know that. yeah. schneider. i've got some sort of camel toe. you know -- what it was -- [ laughter ] i had some shorty shorts. >> jimmy: you got some shorty shorts there, man. [ laughter ] >> i don't know what happened. i have nice legs.

>> jimmy: you kind of look comfortable, kind of. >> we were -- we were doing one of sandler's first albums there. everyone does voices on it and he was doing that one, " hey, buddy, hey, buddy." >> jimmy: oh, yeah. "you're all gonna laugh at you." >> "dude, buddy. they're all gonna laugh at you!" these albums went like, gold, platinum. it's crazy. >> jimmy: yeah -- >> unbelievable. >> jimmy: but i love seeing photos like that 'cause it's interesting to me. i was a fan of yours. here's you and the man himself, chris farley in there. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] "black sheep." >> jimmy: that was "black sheep" >> yeah, that was -- i like -- we even had umbrellas back then in the summer. it was so -- such idiots. that was spoiled. it was 105. we were in the valley and he's in between being mad at me and -- [ laughter ] he stepped on my sandwich that day 'cause he was mad at me. >> jimmy: he did it on purpose? >> yeah. i'm eating a sandwich on the ground and he stepped on my hand and the sandwich. [ laughter ] "how's it going?" i go, "how's it going?" >> jimmy: "hey, you bully." >> mad at me 'cause i called rob lowe. he got jealous or something. it's so weird. it was so weird, i swear. i was like his wife. it was so stupid. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh.

[ laughter ] but you're used to the heat. i know you're from arizona, originally. >> oh, yeah, jimmy. i'm from the desert. [ laughter ] and i met your mother in arizona. >> oh, that's right. a sweetheart. >> jimmy: she came to see my stand-up. >> she came to see your stand-up? >> jimmy: yeah, that was very nice of her. it meant a lot to me. >> well, she loves you and she likes to go laugh and she's a great audience. she laughs a lot. i did my hbo stand-up special out there. she might have brought her dogs to your show. she always -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't think they allow dogs. >> there's two dogs, and, you know, when fans get older, she's got these dogs and now that's all it's about. so, she's like, "oh, davey, the dogs, the dogs." and i go -- when i'm in town, i go, "you want to go to a movie?" she's like, "oh, dave, i can't. you know, i got the dogs. i can't leave them for two hours." [ laughter ] i go, "oh my god, that's funny. you know, when i was a kid, you used to leave me for eight hours a day -- [ laughter ] when you went to work. no one had a problem with it and i'm people." >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. david, she must be proud of you. this is -- >> sort of, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, she definitely is. i know she is. >> no, she is. >> jimmy: i should say quickly,

by the way, before we get into the show, you have a new thing on "funny or die." >> oh, yeah, that's right. >> jimmy: -- sketches -- >> yeah. "funny or die." we did the one about "the bachelor." yeah, yeah. i like that one. and then, we just did the one about reverse mortgages or something. i'm a spokesperson. that reminded me of like an old "snl," like a -- you know, i take a wispy idea and make a full sketch out of it. >> jimmy: ten minutes sketch out of it? >> yeah, exactly. my old commercial pair -- >> jimmy: -- tv or movies -- what's your favorite? >> i sort of miss the "snl," but it was so hard. and i was pretty good at it, but it was a little too hard to keep writing and coming up with stuff and i'm not like super character guy so it was a little harder, but i like the show. movies are more fun. when they come out. they're hard to do. "grownups 2" this summer. we did it. that's gonna be funny. >> jimmy: "grownups 2" i cannot wait for this one. [ cheers and applause ] >> we got taylor lautner. we got a bunch of extra people in it. it's going to be great. he's like our bad guy. it's pretty funny. >> jimmy: i love that guy. he's a good dude. but "rules of engagement" this is season seven? >> i guess so. yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. david, yeah. this is unbelievable that you're

in the seventh season of this thing. it's like -- if you just -- >> i'm getting that new honda accord if we go one more year. [ laughter ] i got my eye on it. >> jimmy: that's the one where you can talk to it? >> yeah, with a sunroof. >> jimmy: sure, absolutely. well, i have a clip, here. here's -- >> oh, we do? oh, how fun! >> jimmy: david spade in "rules of engagement." take a look at this fun clip. [ laughter ] >> oh, no, you're crying. no, you have nothing to be ashamed of. yet. [ laughter ] >> you know, you're right. i shouldn't feel bad. i was a good wife and i am still a vibrant woman. >> and what do we do to prove that? [ laughter ] >> russell, i have been a fool. i guess i didn't realize it until i talked to someone my own age. [ laughter ] >> your own what now? >> i don't have to use my toned body and my wild sexual techniques to feel validated. [ laughter ] thank you. >> yeah. you're welcome. >> jimmy: he even has good

timing when he walks away. good comedic walking away. david spade. "rules of engagement" airs mondays at 8:30 p.m. on cbs. cecily strong joins us next. >> all right. >> jimmy: come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so do you guys think being fast is better than being slow? [ kids ] yes! it's better to be fast to not be bitten by a werewolf and then you'll be turned into one and you will have to stay in and then you'll have to get shaved because you will be too hot and then you're like... [ growling ] which means i wish i was back to a human. what? [ male announcer ] it's not complicated. faster is better. and iphone 5 downloads fastest on at&t 4g. ♪ [ male announcer ] right now so many of your favorite subway footlongs are $5 footlongs, all february long!

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's method man, right there. how great is that guy? come on. [ cheers and applause ] two-time good. our next guest is a very, very funny person who is in her first season as a featured player on "saturday night live." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the show cecily strong! ♪( ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: cecily! >> wow. >> jimmy: cecily, welcome to the show. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. thank you for being here. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: this is very exciting. this is your first talk show. >> it's my first time talking to a boy -- [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: very, very exciting. >> yeah. >> jimmy: mom and dad happy? >> mom and dad are very happy. i got a call -- i told my mom about this and i got a call from her and she said, "just you?" and i was like, "yes, just me." and then, she's like, "well, do you need me to call you during the show so you can -- you can do, like, a phone bit?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what moms are for. >> i was like, "i think it's just me. it's not a character." and she was like, "yikes." so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> good vote of confidence from my mom. >> jimmy: were they excited when you got "saturday night live"? >> they were. my dad, i think, is like the most ridiculously excited. i've done -- i've been in theater forever and he's always been like, "oh, that's good." and then, this show, he was -- he's so into it. he's gone around now with a notebook and a pen and he's like pitching me characters. [ laughter ] he's like, "guess who i met at whole foods." >> jimmy: "i got a great character for ya." >> it's probably someone i'll never play. >> jimmy: they will never stop doing that. >> they're very into it.

>> jimmy: your parents will never -- and hopefully they don't. it's great. yeah -- >> yeah, hope they don't get jaded. >> jimmy: no, no, no. were you a big fan of "snl" growing up? >> i was like crazy for it. we have this old vhs tape -- i think it was the best commercials and i probably -- i wore it out. like every day. >> jimmy: the commercial parodies were your favorite? >> i guess so. >> jimmy: well, that's awesome. that's weird. >> is that okay to say? >> jimmy: no, absolutely. i mean, there's some -- amazing. like i'm trying to think of my favorite "snl" commercial. "colon blow" is pretty good. >> like, phil hartman basically, in any commercial. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, the guy was amazing. [ cheers and applause ] he's brilliant. where did you start out doing comedy? >> so i did comedy -- my first real class was at the groundlings, after college. >> jimmy: i took classes there. >> you did? >> jimmy: they don't mention me at all, do they? >> you know what? i wasn't there long enough -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you have to go to the graduate program to hear my name. >> i liked it so much that i -- so i moved back to chicago to study at io and second city.

>> jimmy: oh, that's good. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: ucb, you would've -- >> i know. i definitely missed that one. and that's where they signed you, in chicago? >> i did. i worked at second city. i first got hired in 2010 on a cruise ship, so i did sketch comedy on a cruise ship for four months. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> which is as funny as it sounds. >> jimmy: yeah, oh no. [ laughter ] that is awful. >> it was. >> jimmy: that just sounds painful for me. i mean, is it vacation or no? >> it was like -- for the first two months, i was like so happy because i was like, "i get paid to do what i want to do! and i'm on a cruise!" >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then it's like -- and then it's half prison, half vacation. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: half prison, yeah. you can't leave. >> no. >> jimmy: it's your gig. >> right, and you really can't leave because you're on a boat in the ocean as well. >> jimmy: that's the real reason. >> and the crew's sort of weird guests, entertainers, so we're half crew, half guests, which -- there's a lot of animosity. not a lot of people want to help you out. >> jimmy: yeah, of the other

crew. like, i actually just work and then you work and then do -- >> and they're like, "i work 18 hours a day." yeah. >> jimmy: they hate you. >> and i'm like hiding my mojito. >> jimmy: well, i -- [ light laughter ] we saw the audition. you know, sometimes i get to see them before -- >> yes. >> jimmy: and i saw your addition for "saturday night live" and i was like, "this girl is amazing." and i -- i loved all your characters. i watched it with higgins, and one of the characters you did was a woman -- was she on a cruise? it was touristy. >> she was -- yeah. >> jimmy: she just flew somewhere? >> she was getting back on the ship from the private island. >> jimmy: you had like a visor. >> i did wear a visor. easy cruise getup. >> jimmy: it's a good character. just a person wearing a visor but -- >> she was -- yeah. >> jimmy: what did she wound like again? >> it was based on -- >> jimmy: she was mad that she wasn't allowed to bring a pineapple -- >> pineapple back on. 'cause you're not allowed to bring vegetation back on the ship. >> jimmy: like, that's a rule they have on the ship. >> right. "what do you mean i can't bring my pineapple on the ship? i bought it with my own -- i paid for it. what sign? but it's not a foreign fruit. it's a pineapple.

i eat them all the time in new york. okay. okay, well, what's your name? [ mispronouncing name ] okay, well, i'm gonna eat my pineapple then. sorry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: going to eat it while you're waiting online. there's like ten of these really great characters. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then you did this one girl -- >> that was like the cleanest. >> jimmy: yeah. and then you did this one girl who ended up on the show, and i think it was one of the first things you did on the show. >> yeah. >> jimmy: with seth myers. >> right. >> jimmy: he's a brilliant guy. but you were a girl who -- you don't want to have a conversation at a party with. is that -- >> that -- [ cheers and applause ] >> tried it in -- yeah, it was during one of the thursday night shows -- was our first. >> jimmy: yeah, it was the primetime 'cause of the election. and it stole the show, i thought, and it was really great and i was so happy for you. i was like -- [ gasps ] look at this, it's so -- >> it feels very lucky, yeah. >> jimmy: it's a good move -- it's a girl you don't want to have a conversation with at the party. let's take a look at the clip. cecily strong.

>> what did you ask for, for christmas? >> i don't want to tell you. >> would you relax? i'm just asking you what you want for christmas. >> okay, well, i was hoping to get the new ipad. >> i asked for an end to genocide. [ laughter ] okay? so, maybe, next time you're on your new ipad, look up how to be a decent human being. >> all right. you know what? [ laughter ] i think i should just take a lap and meet some other people. >> wait, give me like 40 more minutes. i gotta show you this thing my friend, trevor made. he's like gay but he only hooks up with women. [ laughter ] it's origami. >> that's great. >> that's spanish for goose. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why -- [ cheers and applause ] why would you -- don't miss "saturday night live" on march 2nd with host kevin hart with musical guest macklemore and ryan lewis. cecily strong, congratulations, pal. doing great. atlas genius performs next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests, released their debut album "when it was now," today. and tonight, they're to perform their hit single from it, "trojans." please welcome, atlas genius! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ take it off take it in take off all the thoughts of what we've been ♪ ♪ take a look hesitate take a picture

you could never recreate ♪ ♪ write a song make a note for the lump that sits inside your throat ♪ ♪ change the locks change the scene change it all but can't change what we've been ♪ ♪ all all your trojan's in my head all all your trojan's in my head ♪ ♪ your trojan's in my head it's ok if it's gone the thoughts that you had that it was the one ♪ ♪ and oh what is left? for all those times is that what you get? oh regardless ♪ ♪ the walls get painted anyway oh you're guarding

the gates ♪ ♪ but it all got away all all your trojan's in my head ♪ ♪ all all your trojan's in my head ♪ your trojan's in my head ♪ ♪ ♪ your trojan's in my head ♪ your trojan's in my head

take it off take it in ♪ ♪ take off all the thoughts of what we've been take a look hesitate ♪ ♪ take a picture you could never recreate write a song make a note ♪ ♪ for the lump that sits inside your throat change the locks change the scene ♪ ♪ change it all but can't change what we've been all all your trojan's in my head ♪ ♪ all all your trojan's in my head all all your trojan's in my head ♪ ♪ all all your trojan's in my head your trojan's in my head ♪

♪ take it off take it in all the thoughts of what we've been ♪ ♪ take off all the thoughts of what we've been ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, guys. fantastic! thank you very much. atlas genius! look for their debut album, "when it was now." [ cheers and applause ] my thanks to david spade, cecily strong, atlas genius, method man, and the greatest band in late night, the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "carson daly." thank you for watching, have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow, bye-bye! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ >> carson: well, hello there, and thank you for tuning in. this is stk in west hollywood, and you are watching "last call." we appreciate it. tonight, killian martin and brett novak turn skateboarding into a work of art. you'll see them in our "spotlight." for our music, we go to the troubadour for a little north carolina family folk band called delta rae. but first, john ane has a son, and he, too, kicks major ass. "a good day to die hard" is the latest credit to find its way onto joai courtney's resume. and if h